I woke this morning to the rain. Lovely rain. Usually I know when rain is coming. I smell it and feel it in my bones. But not this time. I think I've been too caught up in my head, thoughts running in rapid bunny-like circles to be aware of what is right underfoot, under nose.
My birthday is tomorrow. I'm turning 31. I'm in no way "freaked out" about heading further into my thirties. Last year I was like "bring it on!" Turning 30 seemed to mark a turning point, a moment when I could fully embrace being a responsible adult (i.e boring to some.) I put A LOT of energy into planning and having a birthday party last year. And it was worth it. Many great friends came, and Jeff and I had the opportunity to open our relatively new home (we had just moved in together six months previous) to those we care about.
This year I'm feeling considerably lack-luster about the whole birthday thing. Looking at my feelings from a few different angles, I'm realizing this: I think last year was a chance to have a sort of "let's do this!" hurrah. As in, "I'm ready world, to work extra hard on my dreams. I'm ready to make sacrifices and get up early and not go out as much and scrimp and save my money and do everything I can to make my handmade jewelry business a reality." This time around I think the thoughts are a bit heavier, a bit more realistic. There is a realization of what all of this hard work means. It's not all glamorous craft shows (those of you who sell at craft fairs know I kid) and fascinating interviews with fellow crafty folks. In response to the constant hub-bub of my daily life I find myself seeking out a more quiet, reflective birthday this year.
I had a conversation with a fellow jewelry artist at this most recent First Friday. She asked me if I had reached the point (in my business and life) where I had found some balance. I laughed and said that I was still struggling to find it. And I am. With this year's birthday comes a lot of thoughts on balance and sustainability, and no, I'm not talking about from an environmental perspective. I'm taking about from a body perspective. My job never ends. There is always more to do in one day than I can ever possibly fit into one day. Finding balance with a career and dream like mine all comes down to accepting that you will never be "done" at the end of the day. And you have to step away and take care of yourself and yours and know that you've done enough, ready to get back on the horse (so to speak) tomorrow.
Here's to turning 31. Here's to slowing the wheels down for a bit and enjoying the moment as it unfolds.
And to a yummy dinner out with Jeff!